I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
