ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Btw I puked in your glovebox
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
