I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize