ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Two words: nipple clamps
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