dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
