you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Randomize
