I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
