youre lurking in front of me
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
