Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
