My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize