singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
