Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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