the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
