It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
How naked do you want me to be?
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