dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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