hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
