Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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