Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
