He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And then my night got REAL pukey
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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