how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
