If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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