He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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