Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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