I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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