i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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