Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The Olympian is in my bed
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
