My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
