There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When are your genitals available?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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