I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Less talking, more tequila
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
