My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
