How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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