she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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