I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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