Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
