oh god the rape fog is back!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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