im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
