Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
