i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize