I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
