the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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