I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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