I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
