i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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