I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I deserve this hangover.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
