he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
