worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize