I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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