i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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