sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
