We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
