there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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