On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize