I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
