Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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