you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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