Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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