Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
