He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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