She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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