Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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