well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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