What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
