Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
