Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize