I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Randomize
