I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
