After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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