well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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