dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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