He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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