what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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