even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We need to get me chipped asap
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize