Only a mothe r could love this liver
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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