I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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