is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
