shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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