Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
