i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
