Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
