it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize