I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i will never coherently bang her
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize