I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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