Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
