Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
