Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
