On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Come on in and take your pants off
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