Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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