No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
