I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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