His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
