Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize