a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
