He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize