I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
