I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
