Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
porn star boner night. come get it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
