Do you still have your period?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
