i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
