I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
